She laughed - and I was terrified. Her eyes sparkled like a thousand fireflies, a thousand angry, demonic fireflies. Their laughter was reminiscent of a small child who scratched about with sharp fingernails on a chalkboard.
I stood in another corner of the room, far away from her, smoking one cigarette after another and just watched. Watched the scenario watched me watching her.
So we were there, alone, jointly pursued, trapped in my room, the colorful walls of our tacit confrontation tense. She was still laughing - her black hair hung in her face, disheveled - like a madman throwing from left to right, from right to left, clutched it to her half-naked, pale belly.
"You're crazy," she cackled, "my little doll's crazy."
I said nothing, washed carelessly on the floor.
"What the fuck anyway?" The power-filled, self-confident voice of the queen disappeared and was replaced by that of the starving girl that she really was. "What the fuck? Will you tell me that? What the fuck ?
The questions were not addressed to me, so I did not answer it. I wanted to cry but the tears never came. I wanted to laugh, but the Ernst brought the laughter within me. I wanted to scream but my mouth was glued like. I paused only. I said nothing, heard, saw, smelled, tasted, felt it - but I said nothing, as so often.
Their laughter grew louder. "What should I do now? Should I best throw from a bridge that seems to be a good plan "Her brown eyes searched helplessly for my;. As our eyes met and sparks flew everywhere, they giggled like an embarrassed schoolgirl. "Do not you think too? I can jump off a bridge and then I'm mud and then there is no worry and more problems for me. "
I shrugged my shoulders and trembling.
The Queen clutched his face. "Look, even I can howl with laughter, so I am amused about the whole crap here," she washed a tear from her cheek and rubbed her hand on her black pants. "Oh no, I really cry. Is so heartbreakingly sweet. "
She sat up and her cheerful expression turned into a frown, before she burst into tears and wept bitterly.
I pressed the cigarette in the ashtray, thought for a few seconds, before I tell you more cautious and I silently knelt before her.
"You're killing me," she whispered, "with your silence You bring to me. Tell me something. "
I gulped down the allegations and spit a little out of the interest that had been hiding in my throat. "What will you do?"
"You tell me what to do." She sobbed. "Please, tell me what to do."
"I can not. I will not, "I grabbed her hands in apology, but she pulled away, as so often," I can not take you the decision. You know what was the last time. "
" Last time it was different, "she said," last time ... it was a completely different situation. What should I now ? Do "on her lower lip hung on a salty tear that dripped into my lap. "You do love me."
"I love you."
"Then you know what is best for me."
I took a deep breath. "You know, at least, who is responsible this time?"
"Yes - yes, I know."
"Good," I replied, and nodded, inwardly hoping that we both talked about the fox.
"I -. With, you know, something he no longer makes" She struggled with herself, I saw, avoided my eyes with such a shame and anguish in her face that I am like hugged her and the moon from the sky would have taken just to calm them, just to brighten their world a little. "I'll do other things for him and then he gives me money for it and that's fine. But the other - God, can this even be called sex? Should we call it making love, so utterly ironic? We do not - no longer "
I could say nothing.. I managed not easy. I laid my trembling hand on her knee and she took in her two hands, pressed it, stroked it. "He comes not as a producer in question." The Queen smiled half-heartedly. "It's already something positive - but I will's also do not, I do not know. I will not do that anymore. Never again, you know? "
" Then do not do it anymore. Listen, we go to the police - and I hate that I've never done before what, I am not previously come up with the idea that it's never occurred to me that I not "
" I need the money. "
" For what? "I looked up at her again and she avoided my gaze. "For Coke?"
"You do not understand."
"We have it in black and white. You're pregnant. "
" I know. "
" And your last thing, you've left in the abortion clinic, you prepare today still feeling remorse, so you will kindly do not do it again. "
" I know. "
" You have to get on the turn. All that. Up. Your life, "I said only half convincing," We get the point, right? You get your life on the line and I have mine and then we eventually totally happy and are pleased that we have made it. "
" And how do you get the point, huh? Where should I start, please? "The queen was still crying, but now they seemed to be a barrage of aggression to come. I was still sitting in front of her, my hand in their rough, caught my eye in her.
"You pull out and then you point to that wanker and then"
"I can show him."
"Why not?"
"You do not understand."
"I understand many probably do not know what concerns you .
"Do you do not," she said, pushing me from it, "you do not understand it easily. You do not know what it is. How it all feels ... like, like - you know, actually it does not matter. I sleep anyway with everyone, why do we make such a big effort by the whole thing? "
" Listen to me "
"No, leave me alone." She jumped up at once again hidden behind its thick castle walls that I could still climb or break through. "Leave me alone with the subject. I created this "
" You can not "
" I've said that you love me so shalt leave them alone, what is so hard to understand it? And if you as interfering, I'm warning you, me, me - just do not do it. Curb. I get through all this without you. I do not need. Either now or in the future. I do not need you. "She repeated the last sentence one more time, then again and again, like a never-ending Mantra in whispers. Breathy, barely perceptible but still razor-sharp, stabbing words. Then she asked me
a last "Do we want another round draw for the houses?" Before she fell into a deadly silence in which I also wrapped me in a warm blanket on a cold, snowy December night through.
hours passed and the darkness were mixed slowly with the first rays of the sun caressed, so here is gray streets caressed and ashen faces. Drunken we sat in a small bar, my head on her shoulder, her head somewhere far away in the pink sky.
I sipped my empty glass. She pulled on her cigarette.
"Thanks."
"For what?" I asked, confused.
"Considering that you are there," she said.
a moment I looked at her and then I smiled. "I'm looking forward to the next coming months and your mood swings."
She grinned. "Oh that's right, I can now move all of my hormones."
"Now I can only think of something for my depression and constant excesses."
"You should go to the loony bin," she said, "then Could you run through the withdrawal number and all would be awfully proud of you because you made all this attempt it. "
"Let's see."
The queen sighed loudly, looking at me. ". age ... I'm pregnant"
"I know," I said softly, and when I did not know what to say, I added: "I do not."
I stood in another corner of the room, far away from her, smoking one cigarette after another and just watched. Watched the scenario watched me watching her.
So we were there, alone, jointly pursued, trapped in my room, the colorful walls of our tacit confrontation tense. She was still laughing - her black hair hung in her face, disheveled - like a madman throwing from left to right, from right to left, clutched it to her half-naked, pale belly.
"You're crazy," she cackled, "my little doll's crazy."
I said nothing, washed carelessly on the floor.
"What the fuck anyway?" The power-filled, self-confident voice of the queen disappeared and was replaced by that of the starving girl that she really was. "What the fuck? Will you tell me that? What the fuck ?
The questions were not addressed to me, so I did not answer it. I wanted to cry but the tears never came. I wanted to laugh, but the Ernst brought the laughter within me. I wanted to scream but my mouth was glued like. I paused only. I said nothing, heard, saw, smelled, tasted, felt it - but I said nothing, as so often.
Their laughter grew louder. "What should I do now? Should I best throw from a bridge that seems to be a good plan "Her brown eyes searched helplessly for my;. As our eyes met and sparks flew everywhere, they giggled like an embarrassed schoolgirl. "Do not you think too? I can jump off a bridge and then I'm mud and then there is no worry and more problems for me. "
I shrugged my shoulders and trembling.
The Queen clutched his face. "Look, even I can howl with laughter, so I am amused about the whole crap here," she washed a tear from her cheek and rubbed her hand on her black pants. "Oh no, I really cry. Is so heartbreakingly sweet. "
She sat up and her cheerful expression turned into a frown, before she burst into tears and wept bitterly.
I pressed the cigarette in the ashtray, thought for a few seconds, before I tell you more cautious and I silently knelt before her.
"You're killing me," she whispered, "with your silence You bring to me. Tell me something. "
I gulped down the allegations and spit a little out of the interest that had been hiding in my throat. "What will you do?"
"You tell me what to do." She sobbed. "Please, tell me what to do."
"I can not. I will not, "I grabbed her hands in apology, but she pulled away, as so often," I can not take you the decision. You know what was the last time. "
" Last time it was different, "she said," last time ... it was a completely different situation. What should I now ? Do "on her lower lip hung on a salty tear that dripped into my lap. "You do love me."
"I love you."
"Then you know what is best for me."
I took a deep breath. "You know, at least, who is responsible this time?"
"Yes - yes, I know."
"Good," I replied, and nodded, inwardly hoping that we both talked about the fox.
"I -. With, you know, something he no longer makes" She struggled with herself, I saw, avoided my eyes with such a shame and anguish in her face that I am like hugged her and the moon from the sky would have taken just to calm them, just to brighten their world a little. "I'll do other things for him and then he gives me money for it and that's fine. But the other - God, can this even be called sex? Should we call it making love, so utterly ironic? We do not - no longer "
I could say nothing.. I managed not easy. I laid my trembling hand on her knee and she took in her two hands, pressed it, stroked it. "He comes not as a producer in question." The Queen smiled half-heartedly. "It's already something positive - but I will's also do not, I do not know. I will not do that anymore. Never again, you know? "
" Then do not do it anymore. Listen, we go to the police - and I hate that I've never done before what, I am not previously come up with the idea that it's never occurred to me that I not "
" I need the money. "
" For what? "I looked up at her again and she avoided my gaze. "For Coke?"
"You do not understand."
"We have it in black and white. You're pregnant. "
" I know. "
" And your last thing, you've left in the abortion clinic, you prepare today still feeling remorse, so you will kindly do not do it again. "
" I know. "
" You have to get on the turn. All that. Up. Your life, "I said only half convincing," We get the point, right? You get your life on the line and I have mine and then we eventually totally happy and are pleased that we have made it. "
" And how do you get the point, huh? Where should I start, please? "The queen was still crying, but now they seemed to be a barrage of aggression to come. I was still sitting in front of her, my hand in their rough, caught my eye in her.
"You pull out and then you point to that wanker and then"
"I can show him."
"Why not?"
"You do not understand."
"I understand many probably do not know what concerns you .
"Do you do not," she said, pushing me from it, "you do not understand it easily. You do not know what it is. How it all feels ... like, like - you know, actually it does not matter. I sleep anyway with everyone, why do we make such a big effort by the whole thing? "
" Listen to me "
"No, leave me alone." She jumped up at once again hidden behind its thick castle walls that I could still climb or break through. "Leave me alone with the subject. I created this "
" You can not "
" I've said that you love me so shalt leave them alone, what is so hard to understand it? And if you as interfering, I'm warning you, me, me - just do not do it. Curb. I get through all this without you. I do not need. Either now or in the future. I do not need you. "She repeated the last sentence one more time, then again and again, like a never-ending Mantra in whispers. Breathy, barely perceptible but still razor-sharp, stabbing words. Then she asked me
a last "Do we want another round draw for the houses?" Before she fell into a deadly silence in which I also wrapped me in a warm blanket on a cold, snowy December night through.
hours passed and the darkness were mixed slowly with the first rays of the sun caressed, so here is gray streets caressed and ashen faces. Drunken we sat in a small bar, my head on her shoulder, her head somewhere far away in the pink sky.
I sipped my empty glass. She pulled on her cigarette.
"Thanks."
"For what?" I asked, confused.
"Considering that you are there," she said.
a moment I looked at her and then I smiled. "I'm looking forward to the next coming months and your mood swings."
She grinned. "Oh that's right, I can now move all of my hormones."
"Now I can only think of something for my depression and constant excesses."
"You should go to the loony bin," she said, "then Could you run through the withdrawal number and all would be awfully proud of you because you made all this attempt it. "
"Let's see."
The queen sighed loudly, looking at me. ". age ... I'm pregnant"
"I know," I said softly, and when I did not know what to say, I added: "I do not."
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