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21st Broken symphonies

I winced as the cup against the wall, bounced off and put a few seconds later, shocked that I had thrown them.

Reluctantly I looked to my mother, who still sat perfectly still at the kitchen table bent over a pile of folders and directories, a red pen in her left hand, which slipped quickly over several lines. "That you grant your way again," she said in her clear voice, glockenspiel, without even for a moment, looking up to me.

My body shook with suppressed anger, my eyes were swimming in her tears and to my tongue the bitter fear of dancing to the rhythm of my heart pounding excitement.
I looked up to the counter - the cup was broken and so looked unfavorably still the happy faces of family portraits at me, impatient, demanding, scornfully.

"You clear away please," repeated my mother and I would not budge from the spot. More
not? More you have to say to that? I'll pour my heart out here, doing any old scrap Christmas and the only thing is you can help that I should put it away? "I fumbled with my bracelets. "Do you want to resolve my problems if I simply dispenses with the results?"

She looked at me. "What should I have to say? I'm tired. "
" Tired of what? From me? "
" From your phases. Depression or not, it is totally exhausting. "She stood up, stretched, walked past me to the fridge and opened it. "For months, it is the same. I myself come with any more. And anyway, it is senseless and useless. "

I breathed in her scent, weighed myself short in their heat, which hung in the air and then threw into the arms of the cold and my heart froze. "Do you think I do the fun? Do you think I like it, so be it, as I am? "
My mother paused. rail think about their answer. I watched as she moved the words in her head in the right order, just a misunderstanding, and other gifts to avoid broken. It was no use, the indifference in her voice was already overwhelming enough. "You know, sometimes I think that really."

I shook my head, angry, hurt sad, crying, sobbing, while I cast from the family portrait, which is still on the cup emblazoned in my mind heard her mocking voice perceived their distorted, grinning faces looked before my eyes.

"Mom, you do not understand me, right? I'm not good. For months. Or sometimes the other way around - I feel way too often good. And you think - you think I made it all fun and joke making "
She was absorbed back into her work, took a sip of the juice bottle, which had taken them and answered in a businesslike tone. "I think a lot - and I think you most of your so-called problems simply exaggerating and completely perceive wrong. And I'm sorry that it ever the same thing to me is you, always. "

" If you so I'm so tired leaching and then it would be the best course for you if it did not exist anymore, right? If I was not there and you are not a problem child at the neck would have to have the care you up. "
Crimped lips. Rolling eyes. Loud, frustrated sigh, perhaps annoyed. "If we had not even been death threats last month? Please, I would like to continue working here now and you grant this cup in the garbage. "

The anger expressed to my breast, the fear flowed through my veins, my pulse was racing continues, a thick, fat lump in my throat. I took a deep breath, watching them, analyzing them, took them only half true.

"You can not tell me that you have not taken the things with Dad," I said, his head cocked to see some reaction, but her expression remained empty.
"things happen. Life goes on, "she replied, underlined here and there, what with the red pen wrote, in calligraphy something else in one of the myriad of different colored folders. Their precision and perfection in the work disturbed me.

I waited. She cleared her throat. We fell into silence. I cleaned the cup in the garbage, some mourned, a few seconds to our happy faces, before I left the lid fall listlessly and looked out the window. A flock of birds turning circles in the gray sky.

I felt the piercing gaze of my mother in the neck. "By the way you should look in the future a better hiding place looking for your drugs," she said calmly, "and is at eight dinner, and look to you, that you are there on time."
"It's great that we have so openly and honestly our problems can talk to each other. "
your answer was a stifled laugh, which they converted into a cough.

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20th So blinded

you remember about how you've been blinded by yourself? Of these bright blue eyes, in your bored, if you stood confidently and half naked in front of the cold mirror, fascinated hidden by the layers of dirt, under the false gloss, fascinated by the souls of your loved one who danced wildly through your body.
You were obsessed with you, the emotions that you carried inside you that controlled things up and moving, you should prefer to avoid to have. Crimes of passion. Ill-considered words, sentences, which only bubbled out of your mouth rotgeschminkten.

you remember about how you blinded by his feelings were, from his feelings to you, of your feelings to him? You were in love, so intense, so careless, almost as painful.
In your world there were only two of you and a single, never-ending chapter on your happy ending with horse-drawn carriages and premature sunsets and the scent of a sea of flowers.

you remember about how they still sat and waited in your neck? You, the Queen, because she knew the truth because she knew what would happen sooner or later. Because they knew you better than anyone would ever know you because they know how are you, like you to be my test.

Oh, my dear lamb remember, Do you remember how you went for a walk on the bridge of broken hearts? They bled out before you broke in two, but that was necessary, so that you could continue your way. Because you had to.

If you had turned up, you'd also notice that your paragraphs had successfully rammed into your heart. But, my lamb, you were so blind, so blind, so confused, so in love ... and it left behind alone, your wounded little heart, it just left lying there.

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FEAR 3 Halloween Trailer


The trailer makes the wait any easier: D

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FPS limiter

FPS limiter? What is it?
How safe everyone knows, there are the so-called "Frames Per Second [FPS] so frames per second. From about 25 it looks like this for our eyes as if what we see Liquid (flip). The same goes for games, starting 25, you can comfortably play. Each of the example with Fraps or ATI Tools can see the FPS remembers: I have more than 25 FPS? Sure, if the graphics card that can, then she goes out everything goes. For too many FPS it can lead to the so-called tearing, ie you can see look like lines on the screen as the video error. We have two Problems: first
Our graphics card works more than it needs -> more power consumption
second > There are two possibilities Unsexy
now take action against them - Tearing:
The first is its V-Sync enabled, so the vertical synchronization of the images. This prevents tearing and your FPS are at most as high as the Bilderwiederholrate of your screen. Ie 60, 75, or whatever. But is still too much.
The second is the V-Sync "forces" to use a FPS limiter. That you will get here . It now opens the FPS_Limiter_GUI.jar (Java must be installed), press the "Search executable" and seeks the path of your game, Max FPS can give her to 30 (Trial and error!) Approve, click the "bat create" and boom you have eg for Sacred 2 is a "sacred2.exe.limited.bat" which you just have to run yet and have limited the tool your FPS on 30th Important: make anti-cheat systems, this is detected, so it is best to use only offline.
That's it, you have successfully relieves your graphics card and reduced tearing, enjoy!

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The last post I had to write all 2x, because I I pressed close to the end any wrong key. According to cursing at my own stupid I started again.

I hope it works out today in the first attempt, or does not enjoy blogging.

I got some mail on bat activity and believe in the Hildesheim city, they feel very comfortable. Even at the job, two sightings in a sweet sleep and was rescued from a rain barrel.

The Deister outside my window has changed daily. The beautiful colored leaves are already down or have dyed brown, and every day the forest bare and therefore more transparent. Today I put a few pictures of some of the same Imagine photographs, taken on different days with my great zoom.

Here you can see the radio tower jump and the nice weather on 24.10.


Today, almost the same spot in the rain


This is the view of the Osterwald or Small Deister called on 19.10


at 24.10.


at 31.10.

power
you a good Sunday! WOW! Now, really sparkles in the sun.

Until the day

Mieke

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new Macbook Air in the test of Focus Online


good review. :)

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White iPhone 4?

is ... probably a bit late, Apple. First it was said, would simultaneously come out with the Black, then an initial delay, then the second and now third parties. When is now? 2011 is ... in the spring. Should the iPhone itself white "coloring"? No, because: 1 Does it cost money (for color o_O) 2 If the White comes out then, it looks a little funny when the local white iPhone 4th. iPhone no 4 in white everything is 3 Warranty! The fact is then gone.
whom the warranty does not matter and the style important: hau in! : P

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school starts ...

Njaha ... Here we go again! Fall Break over and again school, what does that mean? Less posts. Very simple. ^ ^ But! I try here to keep up to date, at least as far as news:) That's

I

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Velocity IDE


The video says it all, a development environment for iPod / iPhone / iPad, I am madly trying those times when it comes out!

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Apple "Back To The Mac" Event

Here are the notes from me:


iLife 11
iPhoto 11:
- full screen mode
- Support Social Network
- photos by e-mail
- New stuff
iMovie 11:
- New processing of audio
- One-step effects
- "people finder "
GarageBand 11:
- Flex Time
- Groovemathing
- More guitar amps and effects
- New Piano & Guitar Tutorials
-" how did I play "
FaceTime
- Mac to? Mac, iPhone to Mac, iPod to Mac
- full screen mode
- Landscape and portrait
- Beta available today
Lion:
iPad features for Mac:
- Multi-touch gestures
- AppStore
- Home Screen Apps
- Full Screen Apps
- Automatic save
- Apps are there fortegführt where the user stopped
release next summer.
AppStore "opens" in 90 days
In November Apple Apps will of developers
AppStore:
- work Apps - One-click downloads
- Automatic installation
- Automatic Updates
As with the iDevices, on any Mac
Mission Control:
- Expose
- Full Screen Apps
- Dashboard
- Spaces
MacBook Air:
13.3
- 1 2 to 27.94 cm thick
- 1.3 Kg
- Hi-Res screen
- No hard drive
- No drive
- Flash memory
- 13.3 LED backlit display
- 1440 × 900 pixels
- core 2 duo CPU
- NVDIA GeForce 320m
- multi-touch
- Face Time
- Speeds up to twice as
- 90% smaller and lighter
- 7Stunden battery life
the same as the 13.3 "up to:
- 1366 × 768 pixels
- 1Kg
- 5 hours of battery life
11.6" 1.4GHz 64GB FD $ 999, 128GB for $ 1199 FD
13.3 "1.86 GHz 128 GB FD $ 1,299, $ 1,599 256 GB FD

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PwnageTool 4.1

bums who diligently on the Dev Team blog, know it already: the new PwnageTool. The Jailbreaklösung for the Mac from the Dev Team, it is based on the exploit and using Limera1n @ Comex and exploit pwnage2, we now have the possibility to jailbreak on a Mac. It works with custom firmware, that you are playing the pre-jailbroken software on your iDevice. Disadvantage is nat. that it go all your data is lost. What is important is that your baseband will remain unchanged (this is only important for the Unlocker), also "hacktiviert" the program your iPhone, that you have to activate it no more.

Important Features:

hacktivation
Unchanged Bsaeband
Custom size of the root partition
boot logo, multitasking and wallpaper support (iPhone 3G ONLY)

Supported devices:

iPhone 4 - 4.1
iPhone 3G - 4.1
iPhone 3G - 4.1
Touch iPod 4 - 4.1 iPod Touch
3 - 4.1
iPad - Apple TV 3.2.2
2G - 4.1

Instructions:

first Firmware download ( http://www.felixbruns.de/iPod/firmware/ )

second PwnageTool open

third Message
click away 4th Export Fashion
press 5 iDevice select
6th IPSW looking
7th Select General
8th Select what you want to have everything (hacktivation, multitasking, etc. Rootpartitionsgröße)
9th Cydia settings only need to change
10th Insure that Cydia is gechecked
11 Build & click on
12th Select location
13th DFU Mode: Follow the instructions that nothing can go wrong while you're there so many attempts have works;)
14th PwnageTool & Close iTunes Open
15th Add to Custom firmware reset (click to reset by holding down the Shift key and select the custom firmware)
16th Look forward to a jailbroken iDevice!


wanted at this point I have to get rid of: iDevices the cool feature have to be pretty much indestructible, you have to as effortless been properly given, can go wrong in DFU mode nothing, if necessary, you can reset everything and try again.


What is better? PwnageTool, or greenpois0n Limera1n?
Quite simply, it does not matter, you can take what you want, as long as your iDevice is supported, because all Jailbreaks do basically the same. It is only important for iPhone users who want to protect her from a baseband update that either TinyUmbrella use come to be on 4.1 or halt the PwnageTool. People who are not sure which iPod Touch they have to take the best greenpois0n that supports all.


For each of the videos still need to investigate at youtube for 'dino zambas "on some English but he makes this great tutorial! :)

Here is the video of him as the PwnageTool 4.1

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Apple Special Event

Here is the link to the live stream of the event http://bit.ly/byewWl work alone on the iDevices. What could go
:

• Blu-ray for OS X iWork '11
• face chat OS X integration
• App Store for OS X
• OS X Lion – Likely a developer’s preview of version 10.7 of Apple’s operating system.
• iLife ‘11 – Featuring updates of iPhoto, iMovie and iWeb, with iDVD likely falling out of the lineup.
• New MacBook Air – Potentially an entirely new model as well a refresh of the current size.
• Modest MacBook/MacBook Pro Revisions – We’re thinking updates to CPUs and GPUs, particularly among the 13-inch models.

Update 1: Bericht folgt noch.

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19th Fly, fly

It was a mystery that we both were careful, as if what had to hide it, comparable with stolen chewing gum or a puppy that she illegally hid in her room.

in this little bubble world we inhabited together when we talked about the mystery, there were no bruised ribs or bloodshot eyes, there was no coercion or stifled cries, but they behaved as they lead a double life, and their second life was now is time, the mistress of her step-father to be - on a completely voluntary basis.
I did not know myself, as I had to handle it had to say what I had to do, so she felt better. Probably I should have to force a good friend to talk to anyone like this have or what they should do for themselves - instead, I mostly silent, sitting beside her and listened to their stories and wept the tears which she was completely incapacitated.

It was a completely paradoxical affair. Moments in which I was about to go for the jugular, because I made them responsible for that which was broken in me, followed seconds with affection and care, hugs, caresses. I felt responsible for them. For years I had guessed her broken soul, had its formal grief felt when I touched it and now that she was sitting across from me, me their stories with the same melancholy of a dying Swan's whispered, her eyes on my face as she would wait for a reaction, and enjoy that I suffered because she was not able to, I was responsible for them.
I was her sponge. Or at least I had to be. As a friend.

Our feet were dangling over the roof edge. The door to the roof had already been broken, probably were here before us a rampage any young people because they did bring himself otherwise expressed, but was the queen several times against the lock and boxed against the halbzertrümmerte door, before she pushed angry and then stamped in the fresh morning air.

"If you were an animal, what would you be kind? "the Queen said after several minutes of silence and took out her cigarette pack.
"I do not know. I would like a bird, I think. Then I could fly, "I answered her and pulled at the cigarette that gave it to me.

your eyebrows almost disappeared from skepticism behind her hair. "No, I mean really fly. Trip not open fly. This is not the same. "I looked at the flock of birds circling far above our heads. "Maybe I would also like something strong. A lion. Yes, I would also rather like a lioness. "
"A flying lion with angel harp Why not the same," murmured the Queen, but I went over her comments.
know "you, I see myself ... I do not know, I'm afraid I'm more of a lamb. Thus, a hare. I think I'm just too sensitive and weak here for the whole principle. My heart and I are somehow quite fragile. Therefore, it would not be a bad idea if I were a strong animal. A lioness who dominated the world with their roar, or a bird that moves through the air and can taste the freedom. "When she said no evidence, but rather more sarcastic grin in itself in, I sighed and asked, "And what you had for one?"

"A peacock. A male peacock. "
" A peacock? "
" A male peacock. This is important. "They are a turquoise streak dash behind his ear. "The female peacocks are not so nice. The male, have you seen the time? They're much nicer. I think I would like nice. "
" You 're beautiful, "I interjected, his head cocked to her face between the hair process to see.
She gave me her cigarette, leaned back and let out a roar of laughter. "Is all right, sweetheart, "she said," all right. In any case, peacocks do not have as much in your head, you know, but they are incredibly beautiful. And they can not really fly, makes me not to. You know, we all believe that we are free and independent, but we are not. So I am not. Even if I were a butterfly, I would have different size wings that would prevent me from daring aerial action. "

" Because it you pull someone else or trim would? "
" Not at all, "she said, shaking his head vigorously, "We are all personally responsible for the cage in which we sit and take perhaps all a little to blame if we do not want to break out of it or can not for what ever reason. "
" AND "
" No, I know what you want to say. "She took the cigarette out of his mouth, she pushed out and threw it over the edge, looked at her as she fell down the many floors. "Fly, fly," the queen chuckled with the same joy of a three-year-old and then turned back to me. "You know, I have no particular value more anyway. I myself speak to no value. Therefore it is not so bad. I'll be clear. I'm not really locked up and I do not really fly, glide holds more like a dragon with the gust and the thread of somebody else. But that's not bad. I'm at least aware of it. "
And I looked at her, looked at her long and silent, because I did not know what I had to say, let my eyes to the flock of birds migrate, which landed on the roof of another house was.

"And, dear, you sit in a cage or flying through the area you brave?" She asked.
I thought, still staring at the flock of birds. I thought of the lion and the feelings he aroused in me, this self-sacrificing, selfless love, in the we both had woven. And then to the Queen, which was kind of like the yarn in our history and how I could not do without them, no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how much I despised them here and there and accused of what in me Ultimately himself had slipped from his hands.
obsession, or love, affection, or addiction. It was shit. She was there and I was, and the lion was there and we were intertwined.
"I sit in your cage," I said, "and you know that"

She smiled her characteristic smile, leaned over to me and our lips met in an aggressive kiss. Than minutes, hours, maybe Days passed and we broke out of breath from each other, our foreheads resting together, "she whispered," Well, at least you're aware you. "

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18th The beautiful appearance

How easy it is to the beautiful appearance to one of them to deceive the environment to make the sad faces on the head and to show the world the smile that she has always wanted.
How easy it is to silent screams to ignore, overlook faded wounds and scars.

to maintain the facade - that I had learned as a child. From the outside everything seemed perfect. My father, originating from a trained and reasonable family from the deep south of France, grew up between two older brothers and a younger sister learned that my mother, second generation of British, devout immigrant family with Irish and Welsh background, all of which are occasionally loud, laughing too much Guinness or whiskey begrudged know, the usual game and then followed with love, engaged, married.
Happiness is completed with a small daughter, who was perhaps the wrong time in the world - in the middle during the study period of overly concerned mother - but was still spoiled from all sides.

What behind the door waited and waited, no one really knew so - or perhaps it saw any, maybe it also heard everyone, maybe it knew anyone who made up just all blind, deaf and dumb.

On the day when my father was the last time raised his hand to me, sometime in the dark summer after my eighteenth birthday, years after the separation from my mother, was the day he died once for me, and some more years later, he really died because of cancer - perhaps deserved, perhaps not - had eaten through his body.

As I saw it myself - as a compassionate, sympathetic friend of the their own destiny was shaped so they assumed they would have enough empathy, empathize with every situation, to understand each situation, empathize. Blinded by my own pain I was, however, was just as blind as everyone else.

I got coughing up the stairs to the apartment of the queen, had side aches when I finally arrived panting at the door, my fingers twitching after the next cigarette. One of her sisters had called me, had sounded frightened, scared and it was almost the same sister who left me in the apartment.

I asked myself again and again, as so many people could live here - I wondered but probably more often, as the queen could live here. She had wished golden palaces and a diamond-studded throne, and was instead in the run-down houses of the landed peasants.

"What happened?" I asked the nurse who looked oppressed on the ground and then pointed to the bathroom with a shrug. I frowned, plop left my purse on the floor next to the high-heeled shoes of the queen and followed her scent.

There she stood, then, the Queen, leaning over the sink. Her face was covered by a curtain of her dark hair. I noticed the blood, like tears on tap along was lonely and was dripping into the drain.

"You know, Coke makes a really dry nose," I said.

She remained silent.

"Hold your head back. This is to help with nose bleeds, I have. "

She said nothing. Her silence gave me almost crazy.

"Your sister has not called me seriously because of your epistaxis, right? I could tell her directly that you thanks to your "

" I'm not a bleeding nose, okay? "Her voice was muffled strange. "And anyway, I think you should just go."

This struck me on a very sore spot deep in the chambers of my heart. It hit me worse than I would have perhaps expected. This newfound distance and coldness between us, this newfound resentment of mine that was against them. It hurt.
"I will not go easy," I said angry and it made me even more angry that she looked not even looked at me and I look at her beautiful face, was able to absorb into me.
know "you, that's the problem with you - this was not always like this? If you something is too much, you go it always the way out. This is between us not as long as it once was. As it was beginning. How I adored but have loved. And now, I do not know, I wish I could say you do not mind. I wish I could just hate you and forget you because you deserve it. "The words bubbled out of me because they had been waiting for it to be pronounced, and while I think the only way herunterleierte monologue, I saw her body was shaken by a fit of laughter.

"Why are you laughing now?" I asked. "You know, I just happen to me? How I generally always happen because of you? "

She sat up with a jerk, a manic gleam in her dark eyes. "Damn, how often? Why are you always back up just to "

I took a step, stared at her dumbfounded. The blood had poured from her mouth, I realized now that her entire left side of his face was swollen, tears run their makeup. She looked like a broken child. My breath stopped. Tears welled in my eyes, I wanted to hug her, but she stepped back, pushed me from him. "Who the fuck up has so tanned? Your stepfather? "

" Can you still be a shit, "she hissed with a scornful tone," for my first class any dealer to whom I owed money. Or a guy who I rumkriegen wanted and did not make it. Maybe it was someone with whom I had an open account. Any hookers, hustlers, Knastis, Drogis, Alkis, pimps. Perhaps it was your friend, because you still belong to me and he knows that. "I went through the last part, even when my heart began to tremble. Hot tears ran down my cheeks burned terribly on my skin.

"Well, what story you want to hear," she asked with a crazy grin on her blood red lips.

"How about the truth?"

know "you, the truth is relative. Just because we maintain two different views on something and perceive things differently, it must not mean directly that one of us is lying. "

" You are evading me on it, and you know that "

" shit, "she said, "the truth your little broken heart would not be tolerated anyway. If your little perfect world make breakable. So let's leave that now, you go home and do your beautiful legs wide for your love and I now put to bed and throw a couple of pain pills to me quite foggy in the head. "

" destroy worlds? With domestic violence "

you began to laugh, louder than before. "This has nothing to do with domestic violence. Otherwise I would have probably said that I slipped on the toy of my half-brother, the stairs have been dropped and so now here half die of pain. "Her laugh echoed in the small bathroom again and again, it seemed from all bashing us. "It's this stereotypical behavior, right? You tell me what your dear mother always told as "The Queen

scattered no salt in wounds;? They preferred with a sarcastic smile aufzukratzen scars and rub them with salt, not weeping tears. As I

it had no answer, she let herself plop down on the toilet lid and saw me playing with a full look at her expectantly. "Well, what do you say? Do not you want much prefer a story to hear from me in the super heroine costume, which took place yesterday gekloppt night with a gang of robbers? "

" Please, let it be. "I realized how desperate I sounded, I was sitting in front of them on the floor and looked at her, wanted to touch every single point on their body, each wound with kisses cover, they heal. "I'm worried about you, you understand that? I love you and I'm terrible worry. Because I do not know what's going on. What with you is wrong. For years. For years, you give no clear answer. You from blocks. You tell me off blocks. "I took her hands in mine, but they withdrew again. "I want to hear the truth."

met your eyes and think for a split second I read the silent pain in them, before he faded away again. "You know it already. You're just too blind to see it. "

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17th Naive heart

love for him was creating. We created masterpieces, sonnets, palaces, moved mountains, laughing seas and melting the ice.

with an initial shyness, we felt our way to each other approached, cautiously, like insecure lovers who are not quite so unanimous seemed to be whether they were really ready for it to connect, secure the border area of friendship.

He treated me with the less destructive, which I was accustomed to when I bit into fixed strangers to scrape them their shine, in his gestures there was something unusual, something new and unknown. I estimated that it had to be love.

some point we were above the other with a not so metaphorically meant night sky over our naked bodies were moving awkwardly, gurgling, sighing, slowly to the beat of the waves that flooded the coast. The moment broke though not the hymen in me that I paralyzed a few years ago, half drunk and half in fear, lost on a dining room table, but had something else in me seemed to dissolve, to disappear.
Cupid's arrow had hit me well enough - at one time the Queen was dripping out of me, painful and tough.
My heart was on fire. I was on fire.

little later - days, weeks - we were sitting in the garden of his parents, drinking cheap red wine and smoked cigarettes even cheaper, felt complete, united.

Sometimes it felt like I should be happy. As if my life, I destroyed myself had not much accounted for. Sometimes it felt as if the stars who had died long ago in fact, just for us shone. Sometimes I felt special.
Sometimes I even thought back to the words that I breathed in his ear, his brain was burning, wrote in his heart.

"I love you so much," I whispered, my left hand in his hair, my right hand on the red wine glass.

His eyes were boring, demanding, demanding.

Sometimes it seemed to me even before like I belonged to him. When he was the target of a long, uncertain journey was. As there would be something like a soul mate. As if this my own personal happy ending, only without end. My cell he swore eternal fidelity, eternal longing, eternal joy. My mind danced rings around the Lions, he sang songs that had taught me the Queen.

Sometimes it felt like I was his answer to every question and when he would be mine.

Almost laughable, as I was stupid.

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16th Masquerade

There were so many points that spoke to me. New to me as his lioness.

were First of all, we broke, broken, broken, in ruins, and I, his former companion, his former best friend, his shoulder to Lean on, his diary, had to lose it in the struggle for an identity, forgot to leave behind me.

Then there was the Queen, the anger and the hatred they harbored against one another and in the end, only a bitterness touched her, because they have each other probably never, ever would cost each other.

My promiscuity was a thorn in the lion, a lady had obediently, her heart had to be as pure as possible, and that his lady in particular. The debris weighed on every pore of my body.

Drug disturbed him. He was also a consumer, an occasional, who took herbal substances to him in the states of orgasmic fantasy shifted and helped him with a piece of self-exploration and invention.
the wrong reasons I would have to take drugs - but there is such a thing as the right reasons?

I was not that the lioness, which he wanted to. Too crude, too small, on average, to consume, to use, dull, colorless. I was nothing of what he expected, wanted, had hoped it would never be.

probably why I was so surprised when, after months without contact from me stood up and told me of his love, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

In his touch, in His words were, not the destruction and self-hatred, for which I was looking ever so decisively. Where was the pain, where was the pain, where was the contempt in which the pain where the pain?

I do not think he understood that I wanted to use that I needed the feeling of being used. Even as I stood before him and undressed piece by piece, I gave him involuntarily and he fended off me with a delicate touch and preferred to hug me, he seemed not to understand that this is not in the least follow that what my heart required.

"What are you doing?" My voice sounded confused. "Do not you want to sleep with me?"

"Yes, but that's not it."

"What is it? It is yet so - man and woman fall in love, fuck the love of leave and to return "

In his view, my naivete reflected back.. "You do not need to constantly switch your masks and the set up of which you think the people they want to see."

"What are you talking about? I am me. Just as I am here just in front of you. "

The lion gave a harsh laugh of himself that sounded almost like a purr, shook his head, stroked me gently, with trembling hands on his neck. "The art you do not. "His index finger rested on my heart that pumps the blood of the queen through my body. "The whole scene you have forgotten who you are. Do you know who stands before me now? A person resulting solely from the spirit and memories of the other entered. A person who has collected her personality from all around floating souls. One person, the other made from it. "He dug his fingers gently into my skin. "This, are not you the"

We were silent for several minutes.

Then I started crying and could not stop.

All White Dress For Sorority

15th Tinsel shine

For me sex has always been an essential, beautiful thing that should be so intense and enjoy as often as possible.

I never was someone who had intent on sleeping with as many people from so many walks of life, from so many nationalities, religions or of so many from so many different cultures as possible.
So I was never, so I will probably never be - but there were often men and women I met during my previous life, which fascinated me from the ground up.

your aura pulsated formally in many different bright colors, a Gloss seemed to continue going around and the poor love, self-sacrificing, little lamb, that lived in me, was almost obsessed with the fact that a little bit of this color, this gloss rubbed off on him. Owned it a little bit of the souls in itself and absorb in a golden cage to block. Obsessed to possess it something that delighted - even if the happiness lasted only a short time the sexual act.

I was naked and legs spread on a white leather sofa, playing with a strand that hung me in the face. The orchestra, which just a few minutes later a resounding symphony of the forbidden fruit of Eden for dancing with each other, sweaty body had played and sat in my neck and trötete a desolate melody of haunting loneliness - and my heart was pounding move to the rhythm.

In the mirror that hung opposite to me on the wall, I caught a glimpse of my miserable-looking image and noted with an undercurrent of satisfaction that at least my eyes lit up, stronger than before, as if the unknown to me a little its seemingly endless vitality and breathed into his inspiration.

It was time to go, I knew that. As long as he still stood in the shower and washed my beißendsüßlichen odor from the skin had I go to disappear and pretend as if all this had no meaning. But I did not know where to go. The thought of that made at home, that no was at home and its facade was crumbling slowly, the clean streets covered with a dirty white, short aufzittern me, made me afraid.

I took a deep, deep within, my eyes searched desperately in the mirror and calmed down - a little. The queen was not in question. They hung around somewhere, just like me, probably drunk or was sitting in a strange apartment, like me, and hung on her crack pipe like a starving baby hanging from a milk bottle. She stood inside the front of unquestioned, and the comfortable feeling that they usually triggered in me, I was overcome for the first time were not in place and resentment and hatred in my heart, ate their way through the thick walls of my heart and bitten on the wounds they left me had.

No, the queen was not in question. You would just like a black hole that suck, which I had scraped together with difficulty that night. As they always did.

Wen I had for? The lion, who had left me. The parasites, called my friends who missed having a good time behind my back about me.

And me, this small, helpless three-eyed creature in the mirror, watching me and enjoying the view of the plump body seemed to shine a feeling - less like a pile of diamonds, but more like cheap tinsel - seemed to love.

I remained seated until he came out of the shower. He smelled like a men's shampoo, fished out from somewhere in the depths of a shelf in a drugstore. I could not blame him, that he wanted to get rid of me because I probably would have done the same thing.

"Shall I take you home?" He asked.

I shook my head.

He seemed impatient. "Shall I go up somewhere else? Should I look, when is a bus? Or a train? "

I shook my head again. "Would love to sit here a little. A few minutes, a few hours ... "

" But I have to go right. "

looked thoughtfully at me, looked at him and read his thoughts in the light green eyes. If you

with people like me wrong and its colorful luster to the less glamorous, is losing the truncated, black and white souls, one can probably not help but think negatively. More negative than before.

In one moment, one is the seductive, inviolable virgin - the other one is a whore. Arms wide, wide heart, legs wide.

His eyes told me all the novels about his remorse and his pity for the lamb, which bent him with bare body, ready for it, that he cut the throat, and offered the world.

A telling smile on my lips, a stolen shine in my eyes behind false eyelashes, a play bored shrug. "You can remain so even a little ... and then we go out together later."

For a rotten piece of meat I sold I was always very good. I knew what he was thinking, what he felt and his hesitant look, before he leaned down and me touched, told me more than I wanted.

But it was not that bad. At least I was a buntgeschminkte, glittering whore.