The realization that my life was no longer worth living, I'd probably eventually won on a gentle morning when caressed the depression like a sudden summer shower my face and my things in his ear whispered that would not listen to me, maybe it was but also find the colorful blossoms of spring have been between which I was always seemed so empty, useless, black and white.
Any attempts, the routine, monotony, to put an end to the eternal confusion, were unsuccessful again. My mother, who was choking me pure salt water, so I auskotzte the tablets or the train which was on a windy evening late and me and the queen some point the guy was bored and drove to despair, that we left the tracks. Cocktails and drug overdoses, the even more nocturnal toilet visits and clothes stinking of vomit as usual triggered, instead of me to open the arms of death for a sweet caress.
I were to die, gave up the life and work only as a lifeless shell - somehow there, but somehow not - acquired here and there moments of happiness, faded to just as quickly, as well as the taste of the last rays of sun in the black night .
Nobody knew the thoughts that haunted me constantly in my head, no one could understand the emotions in me, which struck from one to the other extreme, no one seemed to understand how - in the "prime of life" - in ecstatic dreams broke out, acting only on how you could zerrupfen this flower best to be without will add to the end.
How should it because even if I do not understand myself, not perceived, did not see? The interplay of emotions in me - a constant up and down - clouded my understanding, the optimism of mine that was at some point, I refused to dance, I danced at some point, I stole the songs I sang at some point and the all only in the form of sun-filled picassoresker Days showed up. Distorted, altered, almost crazy.
"I'm crazy, you're crazy, it's crazy, we're all crazy," I whispered in his ear the lion. "But you are somehow not quite as crazy."
He was above me, my legs were still wrapped around its center, to solve fearful for binding him to let go, to feel it no more. A sugary sweet smile as he leaned his forehead against mine. "I love you -. Even if you're crazy"
"Maybe I'm not so crazy in the head. I mean, mood swings are quite normal. "I thought. "To the degree may not, but you know what I am."
He made a "Hmm-Hmm" against my neck and I felt a smile. "Do you love me even if I so ticking as they ? Murder fantasies and I imagine it would be virtually ... horny? "
" She does what "he asked and raised his head.
"What" I blinked, went about his remark and sit on my monologue, "murder fantasies against himself, I think somehow more understandable - but so against some faceless people ..."
"It ticks a little peculiar, a little ticks you own - and now? What's so bad? This makes a human being individually. "The lion stretched out on the cigarette pack on the table, but I still held him tightly. "I also know of no other man who is as strong as you are boxing you up in life through time and again."
"You do like I would have been very serious."
"You have also not very easily have had. "
" I get most of my problems upon itself. "I dug my fingernails into his back, scratched his spine, drew from his throat a noise that sounded almost like a growl. "There are other people"
" Bullshit," he murmured against my neck, "absolute bullshit. You can create your own things is not judged by other people. If you have problems and not so clearly stuck - in order - if you own but designated nest to be so void, then listen up on to whine about "
" You do not raff, or "I asked, my fingernails deeper still.? clutching at his back.
"Of course I do," he replied, "you are not fine, with the, what is wrong in you - be it the past, the future, present or your violent mood swings, the burden you so -.? and finish "
" And ready "I repeated.
"What is it?" Our eyes met again. "Tell me."
"I do not know," I whispered, shaking his head, "I do not know myself."
So we fell into a loud silence. With the chaos in oneself to learn sometime to come right to swing with him and dance to live and to love him. He accepted - less as a long-awaited guest, but more like an annoying roommate who voluntarily clean up now and then the kitchen and swept the floor. The craziness, however, the mania, which brings in the most horrible hours their ugly face into the light, will always be scary. Scary, beautiful and horny ruinous.
Eben mania that glittered in her brown eyes, after I had missed her a resounding slap. I stared dumbfounded at my hand and she did it to me for a moment right before they raised his arm and bestowed me just as painful on the ear.
"I was thirteen " cried the Queen. "I was fucking one p.m. Years old, what did you expect from me? How much sense do you expect from a child? "
" You have ruined my life, "I said in a calm tone," you have ruined me everything. With you. Your art your Scheißart. Your drugs and the whole "
She interrupted me with her cackling. "Oh please - what did you want from me, huh? Have you wanted me to protect you? Sagittarius and cruel before the world out there? I'll tell you how beautiful everything is and how happy we should be? "Unexpectedly, she grabbed my arms, I began to shake. "Have you wished that I lie to you? How could I do that? "
" I hate you, "I whispered, sobbing, trembling, howling, croak," I hate you abysmally so. "
" I was thirteen! Yelled "you. Shook me. Her eyes sparkled and glittered like a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. "Do you think I would have known anything better? Do you think I would feel like it never had to see that what you have seen from time to shit in your life? Do you think I would have never had to feel like your fucking optimism? "
" I hate you, " I howled.
"I hate you," she replied and began to repeat the words over and over again.
And we hated us and beat us and threw insults and accusations around the head and fell to the floor sometime swollen from crying, asking us internally, as it had come to this.
your legs put on her body, her pale arms wrapped around her and rocked back and forth.
I crawled over to her, took her face in my hands. Intuitively, she held out her salty lips and I took it with my prisoner. "Please, please, never go. Never go. "We were shaking, barely air, howling snot and water.
"Leave me never. Never, never, never, never, never, "she whispered, shaking his head, shook her entire body shook my heart, kissed me all over, looked into my eyes, looked at me," I'll kill you if you leave me. "
We had never destroyed each other, destroyed, damaged. We had never abandoned himself, we never really loved. We were two disturbed minds, two half-broken souls who never sought, but had found - like a puzzle piece. We were woven together, combined, were merged into one person and not simply endured longer with us - but we need each other more than anything else on this lonely world.
Any attempts, the routine, monotony, to put an end to the eternal confusion, were unsuccessful again. My mother, who was choking me pure salt water, so I auskotzte the tablets or the train which was on a windy evening late and me and the queen some point the guy was bored and drove to despair, that we left the tracks. Cocktails and drug overdoses, the even more nocturnal toilet visits and clothes stinking of vomit as usual triggered, instead of me to open the arms of death for a sweet caress.
I were to die, gave up the life and work only as a lifeless shell - somehow there, but somehow not - acquired here and there moments of happiness, faded to just as quickly, as well as the taste of the last rays of sun in the black night .
Nobody knew the thoughts that haunted me constantly in my head, no one could understand the emotions in me, which struck from one to the other extreme, no one seemed to understand how - in the "prime of life" - in ecstatic dreams broke out, acting only on how you could zerrupfen this flower best to be without will add to the end.
How should it because even if I do not understand myself, not perceived, did not see? The interplay of emotions in me - a constant up and down - clouded my understanding, the optimism of mine that was at some point, I refused to dance, I danced at some point, I stole the songs I sang at some point and the all only in the form of sun-filled picassoresker Days showed up. Distorted, altered, almost crazy.
"I'm crazy, you're crazy, it's crazy, we're all crazy," I whispered in his ear the lion. "But you are somehow not quite as crazy."
He was above me, my legs were still wrapped around its center, to solve fearful for binding him to let go, to feel it no more. A sugary sweet smile as he leaned his forehead against mine. "I love you -. Even if you're crazy"
"Maybe I'm not so crazy in the head. I mean, mood swings are quite normal. "I thought. "To the degree may not, but you know what I am."
He made a "Hmm-Hmm" against my neck and I felt a smile. "Do you love me even if I so ticking as they ? Murder fantasies and I imagine it would be virtually ... horny? "
" She does what "he asked and raised his head.
"What" I blinked, went about his remark and sit on my monologue, "murder fantasies against himself, I think somehow more understandable - but so against some faceless people ..."
"It ticks a little peculiar, a little ticks you own - and now? What's so bad? This makes a human being individually. "The lion stretched out on the cigarette pack on the table, but I still held him tightly. "I also know of no other man who is as strong as you are boxing you up in life through time and again."
"You do like I would have been very serious."
"You have also not very easily have had. "
" I get most of my problems upon itself. "I dug my fingernails into his back, scratched his spine, drew from his throat a noise that sounded almost like a growl. "There are other people"
" Bullshit," he murmured against my neck, "absolute bullshit. You can create your own things is not judged by other people. If you have problems and not so clearly stuck - in order - if you own but designated nest to be so void, then listen up on to whine about "
" You do not raff, or "I asked, my fingernails deeper still.? clutching at his back.
"Of course I do," he replied, "you are not fine, with the, what is wrong in you - be it the past, the future, present or your violent mood swings, the burden you so -.? and finish "
" And ready "I repeated.
"What is it?" Our eyes met again. "Tell me."
"I do not know," I whispered, shaking his head, "I do not know myself."
So we fell into a loud silence. With the chaos in oneself to learn sometime to come right to swing with him and dance to live and to love him. He accepted - less as a long-awaited guest, but more like an annoying roommate who voluntarily clean up now and then the kitchen and swept the floor. The craziness, however, the mania, which brings in the most horrible hours their ugly face into the light, will always be scary. Scary, beautiful and horny ruinous.
Eben mania that glittered in her brown eyes, after I had missed her a resounding slap. I stared dumbfounded at my hand and she did it to me for a moment right before they raised his arm and bestowed me just as painful on the ear.
"I was thirteen " cried the Queen. "I was fucking one p.m. Years old, what did you expect from me? How much sense do you expect from a child? "
" You have ruined my life, "I said in a calm tone," you have ruined me everything. With you. Your art your Scheißart. Your drugs and the whole "
She interrupted me with her cackling. "Oh please - what did you want from me, huh? Have you wanted me to protect you? Sagittarius and cruel before the world out there? I'll tell you how beautiful everything is and how happy we should be? "Unexpectedly, she grabbed my arms, I began to shake. "Have you wished that I lie to you? How could I do that? "
" I hate you, "I whispered, sobbing, trembling, howling, croak," I hate you abysmally so. "
" I was thirteen! Yelled "you. Shook me. Her eyes sparkled and glittered like a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. "Do you think I would have known anything better? Do you think I would feel like it never had to see that what you have seen from time to shit in your life? Do you think I would have never had to feel like your fucking optimism? "
" I hate you, " I howled.
"I hate you," she replied and began to repeat the words over and over again.
And we hated us and beat us and threw insults and accusations around the head and fell to the floor sometime swollen from crying, asking us internally, as it had come to this.
your legs put on her body, her pale arms wrapped around her and rocked back and forth.
I crawled over to her, took her face in my hands. Intuitively, she held out her salty lips and I took it with my prisoner. "Please, please, never go. Never go. "We were shaking, barely air, howling snot and water.
"Leave me never. Never, never, never, never, never, "she whispered, shaking his head, shook her entire body shook my heart, kissed me all over, looked into my eyes, looked at me," I'll kill you if you leave me. "
We had never destroyed each other, destroyed, damaged. We had never abandoned himself, we never really loved. We were two disturbed minds, two half-broken souls who never sought, but had found - like a puzzle piece. We were woven together, combined, were merged into one person and not simply endured longer with us - but we need each other more than anything else on this lonely world.
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